Second Grade Rules! Read online

  “Then you are in for some fun,” I told him.

  “As soon as there’s enough snow on the ground, we’ll take you sledding,” said Jessie. “Just be ready to go fast!”

  “I love fast things,” said Josh. “The faster the better!”

  “Hey, Josh,” said Robbie, “Halloween is only a couple days away. Do you have someone to go trick-or-treating with?”

  Josh shook his head.

  “Do you want to go trick-or-treating with me and Freddy?”

  “Really?” said Josh. “That would be awesome!”

  “Yeah, that would be awesome,” I agreed. “What are you going to be?”

  Josh laughed. “I was actually thinking of dressing up as a surfer.”

  “It looks like you already have your costume,” I said.

  “I figured I could wear this stuff,” Josh said, pointing to himself, “and bring a little mini surfboard made out of cardboard.”

  “Great idea!” said Jessie.

  “And I have an even better idea,” said Robbie. “Since Freddy is going to dress up as a great white shark, and the two of you are going to go together, you could make it look like your surfboard has a bite taken out of it!”

  “Ha, ha, ha!” I said. “That’s so funny.”

  “Yeah, that’s really funny,” said Josh.

  “You are so smart, Robbie,” said Jessie. “I love that idea!”

  “That would be perfect,” I said. “The great white shark and the surfer.”

  We all high-fived each other.

  “I’m glad Freddy asked you to eat lunch with him today,” said Robbie.

  “Yeah, me, too,” said Josh, smiling. “Me, too.”

  I was excited to tell my whole family all about my trick-or-treating plan with Josh. I decided to wait until my dad got home from work.

  “Freddy, time for dinner!” my mom called.

  I raced down the stairs and skidded into the kitchen, almost knocking into the table. I caught myself just in time.

  “Whoa! Careful there, Speed Racer,” said my dad.

  “Yeah, watch it,” said Suzie. “You almost tipped over my glass of water. I already had to change my clothes once today because of you!”

  “This speediness is a little different than your snail’s pace this morning,” said my mom. “I’m glad to see you more excited.”

  “Oh, I am excited!” I said.

  “Is it because I made one of your favorites for dinner?” asked my mom. “I was trying to cheer you up.”

  “Thanks, Mom, I do love spaghetti,” I said, patting my stomach, “but that’s not why I am so excited.”

  “Then why don’t you sit down and tell us why,” said my dad.

  I jumped into my chair, shoved a forkful of spaghetti into my mouth, and started to talk. “So —”

  “Hold on there just a minute,” said my dad. “Why don’t you finish that mouthful first, and then tell us what you have to say.”

  I chewed quickly.

  “Freddy, slow down. You’re going to choke!” said my mom.

  I swallowed the rest of that bite. “Guess what,” I said.

  “You’re a weirdo?” said Suzie.

  “Ha-ha! Very funny,” I said. “No, that’s not what.”

  “Tell us,” said my mom.

  “I had lunch with Josh today,” I said.

  “Is he that new kid you were talking about this morning?” asked my dad.

  “Yep!” I said, slurping up another big forkful of spaghetti.

  “Eeewwww! Gross!” said Suzie. “That is a disgusting sound. Can’t you eat like a normal person instead of a pig?”

  I turned to Suzie. “I am not a pig!” I said, and a little bit of spaghetti sauce came flying out of my mouth.

  “Hey, Pig, say it, don’t spray it!” said Suzie.

  “Don’t call your brother a pig,” said my mom.

  “Well, he sure eats like one,” said Suzie.

  “You’re right that he has to work on his table manners, but I don’t like you calling each other names. Freddy, no more talking with your mouth full!”

  “Yes, Mom,” I said.

  “You can finish your story when you’re done chewing.”

  “Did you find out where Josh is from?” asked my dad.

  I nodded. “You won’t believe it!” I said. “He moved here all the way from California!”

  “California!” said my mom. “That’s a big move.”

  “Does he like it here?” asked my dad.

  “I guess so,” I said, “but he really misses the beach.”

  “Did he live near the beach in California?” Suzie asked.

  “Yeah, he said he could walk to the beach from his house.”

  “That must be nice,” said my mom. “The beaches in California are beautiful.”

  “Have you ever been there, Mom?” Suzie asked.

  “No, but I’ve seen pictures, and I’ve always wanted to go.”

  “And Josh even knows how to surf!” I said.

  “He does?” said my dad. “That’s not easy to do.”

  “Really?” said Suzie. “That’s pretty cool.”

  “I know!” I said. “I think it’s super cool! He said his dad would take him almost every weekend.”

  “I’m so glad you asked him to eat lunch with you,” said my mom. “That was a kind thing to do. He seems like a really nice boy.”

  “He is!” I said.

  “And he was probably feeling a little lonely at this new school,” said my dad. “Maybe missing his friends from California.”

  “Guess what else?” I asked everyone.

  “You’re a dork?” said Suzie.

  I glared at her, then turned back to my parents. “I invited him to go trick-or-treating with Robbie and me.”

  “Really?” said my mom. “I bet that made him happy.”

  “What is he going to go as?” asked my dad.

  I laughed. “A surfer! He’s just going to wear his regular clothes and carry a small cardboard surfboard.”

  “I like that idea,” said my mom. “That’s a pretty easy costume.”

  “Why don’t you do something easy like that some time,” said Suzie, “instead of making Mom spend hours and hours making you a costume?”

  “Mom makes the best costumes ever!” I said. “Besides, the Halloween store never has any shark costumes.”

  “You know, you don’t have to be a shark every year,” said Suzie.

  “Yes, I do,” I said.

  “You could be something else, like a zombie or Frankenstein,” she insisted. “They have those costumes at the Halloween store.”

  “But sharks are my favorite thing in the whole wide world!”

  “I know,” said Suzie. “Everybody knows. It’s hard to miss. You have shark shirts, and shark sheets, and shark pajamas, and a lucky shark’s tooth, and —”

  “I don’t mind making Freddy’s costumes. I like to sew,” said my mom. “It’s kind of fun designing a new costume every year.”

  “What kind of shark did you go as last year?” my dad asked.

  “Don’t you remember?” I said. “A hammerhead!”

  “Oh, right. Right,” said my dad. “How could I forget? It took your mother a long time to get the head just the way you wanted it.”

  “Is my costume for this year almost done, Mom?”

  “I still need to do a little more work on it,” said my mom. “Maybe after I clean up the dinner dishes, you can try it on, Freddy, and I can measure it some more.”

  “Sure!” I said. “It’s going to be so cool! And Josh is going to make it even cooler.”

  “Josh?” said Suzie. “What does he have to do with it?”

  “Robbie had a great idea today at lunch. He said that since Josh and I are going to go trick-or-treating together, he should make it look like his surfboard has a bite taken out of it!”

  “What a cute idea!” said my mom.

  “Very clever,” said my dad.

  “Robbie s
aid that great whites don’t mean to eat surfers. It’s just that when people lie on their surfboards, they look just like the seals that great whites eat.”

  “That sounds like something Robbie, the science genius, would say,” said Suzie.

  “Yes, it does,” my dad said with a laugh. “Yes, it does.”

  I sprang out of my chair. “Trick-or-treating is going to be so much fun this year,” I said, jumping around. “I can’t wait!”

  “Well, you’re going to have to wait a little longer,” said my mom. “Why don’t you swim on upstairs, Mr. Great White, and take a shower. Your mouth is covered in spaghetti sauce, and I think you might even have some in your hair!”

  I pretended to swim out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

  The next morning I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, but it was locked. I banged on the door. “Hey! Hey! Open this door!” I yelled.

  “Go away, Hammerhead!” Suzie yelled back.

  “I need to get in there to look for something.”

  “Too bad. You’re just going to have to wait,” said Suzie.

  “I can’t wait. I need to get in there right now!”

  Suzie didn’t answer, and she didn’t open the door, so I jiggled the handle. “Open up!”

  “No!”

  “I guess I’ll just have to look for it in your room,” I said through the door.

  Just then, the door flew open. “I don’t think so!” Suzie said. “You are not allowed in my room.”

  I ducked into the bathroom.

  “Why, you little …” Suzie sputtered. “Get out! Get out!”

  I ignored her and started throwing clothes out of the hamper.

  “Hey, watch it!” said Suzie. “You almost threw my T-shirt in the toilet! What are you doing?”

  “I told you, I’m looking for something.”

  “What?”

  “That rubber spider I got at the Halloween store the other day.”

  “Why do you need that?”

  “I just need it for school.”

  “Oh really?” said Suzie, smiling. “There are no toys allowed at school. Maybe I should tell Mom that you’re up to something.”

  I stared at her. “Please don’t tell Mom,” I said.

  “What’s it worth to you?” asked Suzie, holding up her pinkie for a pinkie swear.

  “Ummm, ummm.”

  “I don’t have all day,” said Suzie.

  “Okay. Okay. How about three pieces of my Halloween candy?”

  “Three pieces? Are you kidding?” said Suzie. “How about six, and I get to choose them?”

  “Six?!”

  “Take it or leave it.”

  “Fine, six,” I said as we locked pinkies.

  “I think you left that spider in the playroom the other day when you and Robbie were playing in there,” said Suzie.

  “Thanks,” I said as I started to run down the stairs to get it.

  “You might want to put some clothes on!” Suzie yelled after me. “It’s not a good idea to go to school in your pajamas!”

  When I got on the bus, I sat down next to Robbie. He always saved that spot for me.

  “What’s up?” asked Robbie.

  “I have a trick I want to play on Chloe today,” I whispered, “but since you’re not in my class this year, you can’t help me with it.”

  “I really wish we were in the same class,” said Robbie.

  “Me, too,” I said. “It really stinks!”

  “Maybe Josh can help you,” Robbie said.

  “That’s a good idea,” I said.

  Just then the bus stopped at the next pickup, and Josh got on.

  “Hey, Josh, come sit over here,” I said pointing to the seat right across the aisle from me.

  “Hey, Freddy,” said Josh as he sat down. “How’s it hangin’?”

  “Hangin’?” I said.

  Josh laughed. “That means, how are you? What’s happening?”

  “Oh!” I said, laughing. “That must be what they say in California! Everything’s great.” I leaned closer to him and whispered, “Do you want to help me play a trick on Chloe?”

  Josh nodded. “Yeah, she’s so annoying!”

  “Tell me about it!” I said. “She has been in my class since kindergarten, and I think she gets even more annoying every year!”

  “That’s the only good thing about not being in your class this year,” Robbie said, laughing.

  “So, what’s the trick?” asked Josh.

  “Well,” I said, “she’s really afraid of creepy-crawly things.”

  “I bet,” said Josh.

  I pulled the rubber spider out of my backpack.

  “That is so cool,” said Josh. “Where did you get it?”

  Max’s head suddenly appeared over our seat. I quickly hid the spider behind my back. “Get what?” he demanded.

  “Nothing,” I mumbled.

  “What’s behind your back?” said Max.

  “Nothing,” I mumbled again.

  “You’d better show me, or else …”

  “Or else what?” Josh said.

  “Ummm, ummm,” Max stammered. I think he was just as surprised as I was that Josh wasn’t afraid of him.

  “Sit down and leave us alone,” said Josh. “Mind your own business.”

  Max stared at him for a minute and then sat down in his seat.

  I smiled. “Thanks, Josh.”

  “No problem,” he said. “He just seems scary, but he really isn’t.”

  Robbie leaned over and gave Josh a high five. “Way to go. That was awesome!”

  Josh smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “No big deal,” he said. “So, Freddy, what’s your idea?”

  I pulled the spider out from behind my back. “I will hide this spider in Chloe’s cubby when we get to school this morning, and then ‘accidentally’ knock her sweater on the floor. You’ll tell her that her sweater fell out of her cubby, and she’ll go running to pick it up and put it back in because she hates having her things on the floor. She thinks it’s dirty and disgusting.”

  “Of course she does,” said Josh. “She thinks everything is full of germs.”

  “Then when she goes to put her sweater away, she’ll see the spider and freak out!”

  “Oh, she’ll freak out, all right!” Robbie said.

  “So, what do you think?” I asked Josh. “Robbie usually helps me with these little tricks, but he can’t this year.”

  “I think it’s hilarious! Of course I’ll help you,” Josh said.

  “I just wish I was there to see it,” said Robbie.

  “Oh, don’t worry, I bet you’ll be able to hear her screams all the way down the hall,” I said.

  “I bet I will,” Robbie said, laughing. “I bet I will.”

  The bus pulled up in front of school, and I stuffed the rubber spider into my pocket.

  “Good luck!” Robbie whispered as we got off the bus. “I can’t wait to hear all about it.”

  “Meet me by the big tree at recess,” I said, “and I’ll tell you the whole story. Bye!”

  “Bye!” shouted Robbie as he ran off to his classroom.

  “This trick is going to be great!” Josh said, patting me on the back.

  “I know,” I said, smiling at him. “Really great!”

  “What’s really great?” asked Miss Clark when we walked into the room.

  Josh froze and looked at me.

  “Ummm, ummm,” I said. I didn’t know Miss Clark had heard us talking. “The day … today … today is going to be really great!”

  “I’m glad to hear that,” said Miss Clark. “Do you have something special planned?”

  I nodded my head. “Yes, I do. Something really special,” I said, gently patting my pocket.

  “Well, that’s wonderful,” said Miss Clark. “I’m happy for you. Why don’t you go put your things away and get yourself ready, Freddy.”

  “Okay, Miss Clark. I will.” I walked over to my coat hook and cubby.

&nbs
p; “Whew! That was a close one,” Josh whispered.

  I nodded. “A little too close, but I don’t think she heard anything.”

  I hung up my coat and started to empty my backpack.

  Chloe came bounding into the room. “Good morning, Miss Clark.”

  “Good morning, Chloe.”

  Chloe waved her hand in Miss Clark’s face. “Look, Miss Clark! Look at my nails. Aren’t they so cute?”

  “She always thinks she’s so cute,” said Jessie, rolling her eyes.

  “Stop waving your hand so I can see,” said Miss Clark. “Oh, look at that. Your nails have little pumpkins on them.”

  “Who else wants to see?” said Chloe, waving her hands in the air.

  No one answered.

  “Chloe, you need to put your things away, so we can get started,” said Miss Clark. “You can show your friends your nails later.”

  “Or maybe never,” Jessie whispered to me.

  I laughed.

  Chloe came over to put her things away. She carefully hung up her coat. Then she unzipped her backpack, pulled out her lunch box, and opened it to inspect what was inside. “Oh, look, my mom packed me finger sandwiches for lunch today,” she said.

  “EEEWWWW! Finger sandwiches,” said Max. “Who wants to eat sandwiches with fingers in them!”

  “They don’t have fingers in them,” said Chloe. “They are called finger sandwiches because they are so tiny you can hold them with just two fingers. Fancy ladies eat them at tea parties.”

  “Boy, she is taking forever!” said Josh.

  “She always does,” I whispered. “If she doesn’t hurry up, I won’t have time to put the spider in her cubby.”

  “Hey, Chloe, hurry up!” said Max. “You’re in my way. I can’t put my things in my cubby.”

  “You’ll just have to wait,” said Chloe. “I’m not done yet.”

  “Well, I don’t have all day, Fancypants,” said Max. “Now, move it!” He gave Chloe a big shove, and she fell on the floor. The stuff in her lunch box went flying everywhere.

  “Miss Clark! Miss Clark!” Chloe wailed. “Max pushed me.”

  “I did not!” yelled Max.

  “Yes, you did!”

  “No, I didn’t. Besides, you were in my way.”

  “If someone is in your way, Max, then you need to say ‘excuse me,’ ” said Miss Clark. “You just can’t push them. Now, tell Chloe you’re sorry,” she said as she helped Chloe up.